You Can Be Confident Even If You Don’t Think You Are, This Way…

3 (9)Here’s a letter from Rachel, and It’s so universal – whether we’re talking about romance or friendship, a job, a travel dream, a new career, a business vision – it’s about “Confidence”:

“Rori, Here’s my situation, I have been single for about a year, and can’t figure out why.  I’m quite attractive and at times confident (if I’m not interested in a man), but as soon as a man possibly suggests he may like me, and I like him back, it all changes.

I concentrate so hard on thinking about being with this person, thinking about whether he likes me or not, and put so much thought (not practice, I rarely approach men I like, I think they will reject me maybe) into the future!

I’m attractive to look at, but sometimes find it hard to connect, I think?!

I understand confidence has a lot to do with things, but if I’m not confident in the moment, surely a man should make the move and accept you for who you are, if he likes you?  Thanks, Rachel.”

Here’s my answer:

I don’t think there’s a single one of us who feels more comfortable, confident and easy-going with a man we LIKE than with a man we DON’T like.

  • About going for a job we think is “at our level” than one we REALLY WANT!
  • About going for a career we think is “reasonable” instead of what we dream about.
  • About taking money for something we actually ENJOYED doing (that doesn’t even feel like “work” and isn’t “painful”) – instead of work we can “complain about” – or believe is frustrating and somehow “beneath” what we really want to be doing.

In other words – we can talk ourselves INTO or OUT OF our confidence.

rori pretty wide 2And “confidence” looks like many things.

We think confidence looks like “cool.”  And “poised.”  And “together.”

But confidence is simply being “comfortable in our own skins.”

In other words – “okay” with who we are in the moment.

A lack of confidence isn’t enough to drive a man away who’s attracted to us, or lose you a job if your skills are what’s needed – it’s how that lack of confidence EXPRESSES itself that can make us feel even less confident.

Here’s one way a lack of confidence can push a man, a friend, a job or a client away:

We feel uncomfortable with ourselves in the moment, and so we shut down on the outside in order to appear “cool.”

This doesn’t give what we often think is a desirable “Ice Princess” effect (an Ice Princess has got that “Diva, Bitch, Babe” vibe that says she’ll put herself first no matter what – and that IS attractive to many men AND women in all kinds of situations).

And it doesn’t give another “desirable” vibe – the  “casual” effect, either.

At its best, it just makes the average man afraid to approach you for fear of rejection, or makes the client, the new boss (or the employees who work under you)”see” you as “judgmental.”

And at its worst, people experience you as “blank.” As having no energy at all. As simply not “being there.” And when anyone experiences you that way, there’s just no PULL toward you.  A man may not even NOTICE you. A personnel director or prospective client may not remember you.

And if a man does notice you – though he might like the way you look, and that might lead him over to talk with you, if he gets a “shut down” vibe from you – a “stiffness” and “discomfort” – he’s going to conclude instantly that you can’t HANDLE him.

If a prospective client can’t FEEL you – there’s nothing there for him or her to “like” except the superficial stuff. (And none of us like being liked for just that).

If we can up the ante – and be even more than “comfortable” and “okay” with ourselves – if we can actually LOVE ourselves in the presence of anyone – wow – that can be felt.

And that pulls everyone in like a magnet.  That reads as confidence.

To talk with me personally, about how to ramp up your confidence and get what you want, instead of staying where parts of you believe you “belong” (no matter how actually stressful that is!) – check out The Siren Mastermind–>

I’m interviewing right now for the Mastermind before I launch it into the world and add more bells-and whistles to it (once you’ve locked in a membership, even without any downpayment or commitment past one month, you’ll stay at that price forever).

If you like the idea of working with me personally on all aspects of your life: Your work, your business, your relationships, your inner Siren world, and being surrounded by Sister Sirens who’ve got your back, let me know.

You can either use the “Contact” link and write to me a bit about yourself, or go here and book yourself for a free 20 minute Strategy Session with me!–>

Even if you fall down a flight of stairs and turn bright red, even if you spill a drink, even if you burp, even if you’re frightened out of your mind at the scope of the job or the depth of the career, or how handsome the man standing in front of you is – no matter WHAT happens – if you firmly, lavishly, totally are practicing LOVING YOURSELF through the whole thing, no matter how embarrassed you may be at the same time – you’ll not only come across as confident, you’ll come across as amazingly, irresistibly attractive and interesting.

The Business Siren Protocols don’t work only for “work.” They work for “love,” too. Because love and money are really the same thing. It’s about having what you want. And having love, money, work you love, good feelings when you wake up and go to sleep – all of it – is Having It All.

In the Siren Mastermind – we’re holistic. We work with ALL of life – work, love, inner peace. Let me know if you’d like to talk!

Rachel – good luck to you, and let me know how this works for you.

Love, Rori

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