And now, we all get to think hard about not ONLY what that means to us in terms of countries, land masses, politics – but what “independence” really means to each of us individually.
Especially in this age where everyone knows everything about us.
If there could be a metaphor about love, filled with the kind of love advice that talks about being independent and inter-dependent in a romantic relationship – would that look like cannons, and battle, and sparklers and conflict?
Or would that look more like the coming together of battle leaders and statesmen to negotiate an experiment in how to run a country without a king or queen?
How each person (theoretically) could have a bit of power to make the big decisions and somehow be represented?
Or maybe it’s everything: Conflict, passion, attack, surrender, leaders and followers, negotiating, statesmanship, creating union, creating freedom, creating a new model for life, making decisions.
Standing on your own two feet. Believing in yourself. Believing in each other. Plus romance, sex, laughing, sitting around…
So, let’s just call this independence from tyranny, and at the same time, creation of a harmonious new union where it’s as much of a win-win for everyone as possible.
In relationship, we want to be independent of judgment and control and all the pain and misunderstanding that’s accumulated in our lives.
And we want to create a “union” where there’s a clear responsibility on everyone’s part, and a clear sense of the need for respect, and a clear sense of the need for everyone to be heard. A clear sense of compassion. A clear sense of “team.”
Think of YOURSELF as Independent – And Think Of Your Own Independence This Way:
Independent from judgment and control and tyranny and old pain. Free from all that.
Free to create harmony and union between all the voices and impulses and needs inside you.
The agreement to respect, hear, have compassion for every part of you.
A sense of “team” – that everything about you – your past, present, future, thoughts, imagination, nasty voices, yearnings – all of it – are on the same team.
The team called YOU.
And that when a man joins you in a life union – you will both bring your teams to the union, and expand to create a new team between you – with all the parts of each of you under the same umbrella.
Just because you are still YOU, with your team intact, under the umbrella and embracing arms of this new, bigger team…you are still capable of leaving the umbrella of the new team with your own team intact.
That’s all there really is to independence – you’ll be “okay.”
And being “okay” isn’t just about love and relationship. It’s about every minute of every day. How you feel when you’re alone. How you feel when you’re working. How you feel when you’re “resting.”
Many people refer to this as “having a spiritual life.”
In other words, finding something “bigger” than our personal experiences, thoughts, daily life – and finding a perspective that allows us to accept and enjoy everything this life on this planet brings. No matter what.
If you feel you have a purpose that’s bigger, different, and more dreamlike, fantasy-filled and fulfilling than what you’re living right now – perhaps you’d like to become a professional coach.
Being a coach is more than “healing” others – it’s being an Entrepreneur: working for yourself and no one else. Being utterly in charge of your work life.
Rori Raye Relationship Coach Training (RRRCT) begins on July 11th, and if you’re acepted for RRRCT 2016, you’ll be personally coached, trained and mentored by me for 22 weeks. You’ll begin at wherever you are, even if that’s “without a clue,” to having a website, a professional “persona” and “brand,” a blog, a Facebook business page, a business “funnel,” a marketing plan, a “program,” and potential clients.
Here’s how it works:
And if you’d like to talk with me personally about how this can all change your life, schedule a private phone or Skype session with me here:
Because you’re “okay” no matter what, it doesn’t mean you hold your team as “separate” from anyone else’s – especially not a man you’re “with.”
It’s as though lovers and children and judges and all the parts of each of you get intermingled.
Maybe they don’t all put on the same uniforms, or maybe your team has special badges, but you don’t hold back while you’re playing and working and loving together.
Together, you help each other stay unified – you help each other keep the team together no matter what. And, especially, you hear all the voices there are.
And you let none of them run you.
Independence is, at core, your personal freedom from the tyranny of being at the mercy of anyone else. From, what Blanche DuBois says in Streetcar Named Desire” – “…the kindness of strangers…” because you have no other options.
But even more – in some circumstances where you are in need of the kindness of strangers – you’re still in sole possession of your own heart and soul.
Love feels complicated only because we’ve, each of us, learned it means different things.