How To Know What’s True For You

6 (5)The Key to finding the “Truth” smack in the middle of Chaos is easy. Simple.

And yet, that Key feels so far away from what we’ve been trained to “naturally want to “do” – we can often only “sense” it.

It feels almost like a “brass ring” that’s hanging in some unknown, never-explored territory inside us.

If you’ve ever felt torn in two directions, and you’re struggling with following your heart or your own Boundary “Rules” – or saying “No”…

Here’s a letter from Hannah around a personal decision:

“Rori, My boyfriend lives 2 hours away and he keeps wanting me to drive to him – I feel uncomfortable with that, since he hasn’t fully committed to me – but I DO so want to BE with him! What do I do!

The answer for Hannah is in her own words… ‘The truth is, I want to be with you, and I’m feeling weird and uncomfortable doing all the driving. I don’t want to put pressure on our relationship, and I don’t want to do drama, and I notice I’m feeling less willing to make the drive because I’m actually feeling unsure about where we’re at. I’m feeling like I’m chasing you, and that doesn’t feel good. It would feel better to share the driving until I know what you’d like to do with me going forward…what do you think?”

You tell him the truth.

This IS the TRUTH. And – you’re being open and vulnerable.

Absolutely NO making things up, no games, no strategy. The truth, in Feeling Messages.

And here’s a work situation Debbie’s dealing with:

“Rori – my boss keeps handing me more and more work. I’m putting in more hours than anyone, and my personal life and sleep are suffering…AND – I want the promotion he’s dangling in front of me! What do I do!”

2A lie would be: “I’m sick, I have to go home and sleep…” or “I can’t, I have to be at my mother’s tonight.”

The truth is (and you’ll have to do some research into the hours people in your company put in at different job levels):

“It feels important to me to feel valued here in general, and by you in particular. I love coming here every day and working with you, you’re an amazing boss.

I feel intensely committed to this project and believe I’m doing stellar work that deserves a promotion and raise, and would like to negotiate with you for 50 hours (or whatever you decide on) per week as my maximum hours and workload.”

You may also want to do some research through your HR on how to negotiate this.

Lying, skirting, avoiding and tolerating won’t ever help you. Our instincts to do this, instead of facing things head-on is what holds us women back in both love AND money.

To learn how to invest yourself in “peace” and “feeling good,” no matter what’s going on – because you’re telling YOURSELF the TRUTH – come to my very first free Business Siren Webinar on May 7th at 10am PDT, 1pm EST and 6pm Europe…There’s also a brand new free Worksheet (“How To Fall In Love With Chaos”) to download once you’ve let me know you’re coming–>>

Here’s the deal on all this for all of us – this is all about basically telling the TRUTH to anyone and everyone – no playing around and choosing who to tell the truth to, and who not to tell the truth to.

We have only 2 scenarios, here:

Onewe know the Truth, exactly how we feel and what we want, but we’re afraid to communicate that, so we’re desperately trying to find “a way in” to the conversation.

We’re trying to find a “way” to say the Truth – or – we’re trying to find a way to say SOME of the truth – which most often turns into choosing an old pathway we’ve used over and over again that never has worked – the not-truth.

And Twowe DON’T know the Truth. We actually don’t know what we want. We’re pulled in two – sometimes many – directions.

Like Hannah, we want to go and we want to not go.

Sometimes I even have difficulty deciding if I want to go to a movie, or if I want to stay home and veg on the couch or play cards.

When I’m under the weather, I want to do things, but I also want to stay in bed.

I can actually feel the war going on inside me from my different impulses. I want to write, I want to clean the kitchen, I want to eat, I want to walk my dog, I want to curl up and sleep – all at the same time.

And like  Debbie, fear of “rocking the boat” is huge and paralyzing.

We may have to make choices of “action” in the moment – but we never have to compromise where those decisions are coming FROM.

We have many, many impulses, thoughts and feelings – and still (and this is important) all these impulses are the TRUTH.

And saying the Truth to anyone would be to say, “I’m feeling confused. I want to do ten things all at once. I haven’t settled down enough to choose one, or put them in some sort of order of “liking to do.”

Saying to a boss: I need to cut down my hours and volume of work without jeapardizing my career or tarnishing my value to the company and to you. Do you have any suggestions for me?” may be terrifying – but it’s a truth he can respect.

  • Of course he doesn’t WANT you to cut down your hours – he wants you to be a workhorse! Who WOULDN’T!
  • Of course Hannah’s boyfriend doesn’t want to drive to her – who WOULD!! He LIKES the convenience of her doing the work! Who wouldn’t!

And – the truth has to emerge, and the self-tending have to begin somewhere.

No” has to be said, sometime.

And so, my path is simple – I must settle down into myself, really imagine all my options, and FEEL which one feels best at this very moment.

I must PRACTICE CHOOSING from many truths. I must practice listening to my deepest self, my intuition, my gut level feelings.

AND – I must make this process FUN by using my favorite Tools for this situation.

You and I’ve both experienced, so many times, when we had so many things we wanted to do and not do – and all of a sudden, ONE THING just jumped out at you, and you KNEW what it was you wanted to do.

Only, you may have second-guessed yourself, or tried to talk yourself out of it, or made an intellectual, rational argument for another choice, or went with what someone ELSE wanted and decided it was what YOU wanted to do, too.

And still – no matter WHAT you choose – some of that would be the TRUTH.  “I wanted to go to see that movie now because I knew YOU wanted to see that movie now, and it felt good to make you happy.”

That’s the Truth. “I really want to see that movie now” is NOT the Truth. (There may be a movie you feel okay about seeing “sometime” – but that doesn’t make it the thing you want to do right NOW.)

See where we’re going here?

So – start with the Truth. Get into yourself, listen to all your conflicting voices, and FEEL what it is that’s the truth for you at this moment.

Practicing this will make EVERYTHING so much EASIER for you…and will get you AMAZING results with everyone around you.

When you have the challenge of speaking to a man you like, love or just met, a boss, a co-worker, a business partner, a customer, a client about something you’re torn about, or that’s emotionally loaded, or you have to make a personal decision, like Hannah, or a business decision  – don’t worry about the outcome.

The outcome isn’t under your control.

Just focus your energy on FEELING what it is that’s the TRUTH for YOU about this.

Even if there are MANY Truths – just write them all down.

Then feel your way through each option, and see if you can FEEL which one is the MOST true for you at the moment, the one that most sings in your heart, where you can feel your body RELAX and breathe.

(That’s often the clearest sign we can get that we’ve hit on the truth for us for the moment – we FEEL released inside.)

And practice, moment by moment, saying the Truth, DOING what feels Truthful, and letting the outcome work out by itself.

I can promise you that what you choose, and how things unfold in the short term are not important.

What will work for you with a man,with your career, your business, your boss, your friend in the LONG TERM is the VIBE you create around yourself when you listen to yourself and speak the Truth.

When you do this, you open up a way of communication with a man that THRILLS him, with a boss that creates trust, with friend that creates humor and closeness, with family that is unarguable.

It creates INSTANT CONNECTION – and the longer you do it, the deeper the connection becomes.

So – work for the Truth, and let me know your experiences.

I look forward to talking with you on the free “Make Your Deam Real” Webinar on Saturday, May 7th – sign up here to get on the call – and to instantly download your free Worksheet – “How to Fall In Love With Chaos“–>>

Love, Rori

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